You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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