Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
