no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
