please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Randomize
