Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
