I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
