Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
