I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So vagazzling was a success
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
