all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
