Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize