I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wish you could order shots online.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
