I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
