i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
