yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize