I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think I won the penis lottery.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So here I am, sexting at work.
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