I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
