Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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