This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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