Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
