Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
