The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
