I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
