And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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