Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
