I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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