She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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