btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
