He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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