I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
