if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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