sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
