I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
