I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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