I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
