my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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