p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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