First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
