i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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