So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
