I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If I had your ass I would rule the world
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
