It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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