He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
third nipple confirmed
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
