So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
