I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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