just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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