Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
