So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
