idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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