im six kinds of drunk right now
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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