How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
