So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
