Pappa wants mamma naked
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
