The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize