I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I know her cup size but not her name....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
