Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
