I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
