I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
