Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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