Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize