everyone is single if you try hard enough
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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