i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
