Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Randomize
