my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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