Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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