Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Two words: blizzard sex
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
