hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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