apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
