what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
