I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize