I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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