Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
