It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
