my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize