Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
