We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize