did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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