Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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