I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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