the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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