I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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