summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
