i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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