we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
