clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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