I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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