I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
