"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
ugly people sure do ruin things
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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