So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My dick has a subreddit
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
