No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I fill condoms, not promises.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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