My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
