This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
