I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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