woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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