he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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