i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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