I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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