I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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