There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
