i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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