Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
