Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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