things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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