You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
