from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
