Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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