Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
